Anticipation.
Function: noun
1 the act of looking forward; especially : pleasurable expectation
2 visualization of a future event or state
These are just a couple of the benign definitions of the word "anticipation", the clinical version of the word. We learn from an early age to anticipate events in our lives, both good and bad. We start to look forward in life and not backward. The butterfly feeling in the stomach, the feeling of being on pins and needles, hoping that time will hurry and pass so that we can get to the "good" stuff, you know the feeling. I have personally learned to love and to enjoy that time, to find ways to heighten it, so that when what I've been yearning for is happening, it's not merely good, but great...memorable.
When we are young, we learn to look forward to special treats. Remember the feeling of waking up on a summer's day and knowing that "sometime" during the course of the afternoon, the ice cream truck might make a trip through your neighborhood? You prepared for it. Made sure that you alerted Mom to the possibility that you'd need money at a moment's notice. You stayed almost on point, listening for the bell that heralded it's arrival. You looked forward when you were young to any special treat promised for good behavior. Vacations or trips were planned and before you ever loaded up the car to head out, there had been weeks of preparation and sleepless nights when you absolutely couldn't wait to leave and get started on your adventure.
If we are really clever, as we get older and travel along life's paths, we learn how to use anticipation to draw out the time prior to good events we know are upcoming. We use anticipation almost as foreplay in the days leading up to special times we hope to cherish and remember always. We think about what special unexpected things might happen. We ponder the variables that could either enhance or detract from our experience. We dream of what might be, both when we are awake and sleeping. The time seems to crawl, but by the same token...that in itself can be delicious in piquing the senses if done correctly. We anticipate...we feel fully alive. It's exciting, it's vital to life to look forward to things.
We look forward to our first love, our first kiss. We look forward (hopefully) to our wedding. The birth of our first child is a time of worry, joy and hope...that doesn't diminish with all the children that follow. We look forward to special vacations, to graduations. We anticipate new jobs and new relationships...to anniversaries and to new homes. So many things to look forward to and absolutely savor if we pay attention...if we don't try wish our lives away and hope that the time flies rather than enjoying the journey to get there, using it as a part of the good part.
Some of us remember when Carly Simon brought the word Anticipation to life in a song. She gave it texture and locked it in our minds, it was a theme song for many teenagers and 20 somethings as to what our lives would hold. (Of course, this was BEFORE the song was forever linked to ketchup slowly oozing it's way out to give us something thick and tasty to eat) Okay, back to my basic point...learn to feel anticipation again. There are no guarantees in life of how something will turn out...look forward to the possibilities anyway. Keep that childlike magic alive of wanting and yearning for something that is to come so that you don't grow old and stagnant in your life. Don't over plan or try to regiment every detail as we tend to do as adults...try going with the flow and letting your dreams guide you. Take chances, go after the things that are important or rare without fear or second guessing...trust your intuition.
LET yourself feel the butterflies. Be on pins and needles, laugh out loud or share secrets with someone. Daydream and "feel" what is to come. Want it, need it, embrace that special time beforehand...then enjoy the heck out of the actual event. Learn to live in the moment now and then when you can...when the times call for it. Let go and give yourself permission to reach out and grab what you need or want. Take the time for yourself...trust me...it's important. Don't miss out on life by always choosing what is safe or expected. Take a few chances along the way, you just might find they pay off.
It's amazing how time really does fly and the thing you've looked forward to, does indeed arrive in it's own time. Spectacularly.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I Believe-Life Affirmations To Live By
I Believe...
I believe in personal accountability and that there are consequences for our actions, good and bad. If you can't handle that and teach your children those lessons as well, turn in your membership to adulthood now. I might also suggest you not have any more children since you are obviously still one yourself.
I believe there are certain people that will soothe your soul, but excite the holy heck out of the rest of you. Don't ever settle for less.
I believe that rainy days are entirely necessary and not simply to provide water.
I believe in love. It is however, not a fairy tale or ever perfect...and will not always have a happy ending, TRUE love between two people meant to find each other does exist. Life will intrude and muck it up at times due to circumstances that happened before you met, love them anyway if they are truly "the one". It can work out , even if you can't fathom how at the moment. One thing is certain, you'll never know if you don't try. The future is fluid and uncertain. Don't ever take something rare and special for granted. Never lose a connection with those that matter, even if it's scary or not what you had planned.
I belive you don't get unlimited chances at life. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, you won't have missed out on happiness. You just might be pleasantly surprised..life is meant to be an adventure, not a spectator sport. Never settle for duty and responsibility over possible happiness, even it's messy or complicated..recognize it's worth and value. Life changes as we move through it and so do we all. Adjust and realize everything will be okay, whatever the outcome, even if we make changes...the world will keep spinning.
I believe that whomever decides to schedule major road reconstruction during rush hours on the interstate systems, should be tied naked to their resurfacing equipment and commuters should be issued paintball guns for target practice.
I believe that no matter how close you feel to a person online emotionally, it's not love until you and said person meet, look each other in the eye, talk, laugh and touch. Even then you have to realize some people will not be what you expected. All the more reason it's very important not to rush...some things are meant to be savored and anticipated. If it's real, time will enhance things, not degrade them. If you rush into something, be prepared for the possibility of problems you don't anticipate or failure. It's also a distinct possibility that you will let someone into your life that could be dangerous or bad for you. There IS no hurry for things that are meant to be.
I believe that as we age, our metabolism should speed UP, not slow down. I mean, give us "mature" people a break, we've earned it! We're already dealing with wrinkles, bad eyes, joints that betray us, etc. The least the grand design could have done is make it possible to eat anything we want and still fit in our pants.
I believe in manners and chivalry. I like having doors opened for me or to have a man lift heavy items and kill bugs, even when I can do it myself. I like being the female..feminists be damned. They did none of us any favors. Men and women are NOT created equally. We are meant to compliment each others weaknesses, not be the same.
I believe if you love someone, tell them...often...even if you think they already know it, say it anyway. At times, shout it from the rooftops or whisper it when it's unexpected. It's important.
I believe that it's essential to be silly now and then. We all need to let ourselves feel like kids again or to just spout nonsense. As adults, we have to deal with stress and serious issues frequently. MAKE time to just be ridiculous without intent.
I believe that anyone that can make you smile and lighten your mood, when you didn't think you were capable of laughing, is a keeper.
I believe in discretion and not necessarily airing ALL your dirty laundry to anyone with ears or eyes to read it. While it is fine and even necessary so that you won't go nuts to have a core group of those that support you...those to whom you dish the dirt and gory details to everything that makes you angry or hurts you...try to take the high road in public now and then.
I believe in supporting and respecting the office of the President, no matter who is holding the job at the time. It is a thankless job where you can't please anyone long term..one I wouldn't want to subject my private life or family to the scrutiny of. You are free to disagree with their politics, but when you resort to ridiculous name calling or personal attacks on the person themselves holding the office, you've crossed a line. Quite frankly it says a lot more about you and your ignorance, than it does about whatever you're disagreeing with. Intelligent debate is a good thing. Schoolyard bullying is just spectacularly unimpressive.
I believe in Patriotism and our country...in standing up for our rights as Americans without worrying about offending everyone in the world. In the same vein as the comment above, I believe that pride in our country is becoming silenced. It is a crying shame when we are embarrassed to have pride in our own country and be vocal it...much less enforce our own laws that put legal citizens first. If you pay taxes and came into the country the correct, legal way...I'm glad you're here, welcome. Heck, most American families have enough trouble getting their children a break on college tuition or for that matter getting a driver's license without 40 forms of ID and those are the people born here. I believe that laws should be followed and things done the right way.
I believe that English should be our National Language and you have to know it to become a citizen or live here. I'd learn your language if I lived in your country. I believe in flying the Stars and Bars proudly and supporting our military and their families with vigor.
I believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. If we stop believing in things that spark our imagination or in possibilities we can't see...things that bring out our childhood innocence, enthusiasm or excitement, we might as well be dead.
I believe in letting at least one person in your life, know you inside out. Someone you let know all of your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your shortcomings, your concerns, your opinions...without fear of judgment and with total honesty, no walls in place. It takes courage to strip your soul raw with someone else, to put light on all your secret places, but with the right person..it makes all the difference. If you do not have such a person, don't give up until you find them, but don't settle. They, in return...have to open themselves up to you totally as well. It cannot be one-sided.
I believe in learning something new..big or small..each and every day of our lives.
I believe that Political Correctness is a crock of horse dooky. Using tact is fine and even desired in most situations. So is learning to ignore what is said and getting over it. Grow a thicker skin and realize that not everyone is going to like or agree with you. For that matter, just grow the heck up.
I believe in the Golden Rule, treat others as you want to be treated. If others do not follow it in regard to your feelings, move on and find those that will without looking back.
I believe that we should freely allow kickball, dodge ball, and Red Rover on playgrounds across America and in schools. We are doing our children no favors by "teaching" them that if life they will never lose, that they should never have their feelings hurt and if you don't like the game, just quit. That's not real life and it will slap them in the face someday.
I believe that green M & M's taste the best.
I believe that saying "rabbit, rabbit, rabbit" on the first day of each month (It also has to be the first thing you say) will bring luck for the month.
I believe that at times, pasting a smile on your face, even when you don't feel like smiling...will lift your mood and possibly someone else's mood.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and getting a grip. You are allowed a day or two to wallow in self-pity when needed, but after that...it better turn into self-reflection, realistic assessment and in finding a way around whatever obstacle has you down. Quiet time in reflection is fine, constant pity parties are not. No one will ride up on a white horse and rescue you. If they did, they would probably be more like Don Quixote rather than Prince Charming anyway.
I believe in listening to those around you. Take 5 minutes out of your busy schedule to really hear what someone else has to say or what they need to say to another human being. Whether it be the clerk at the store, someone on the train, or a family member or friend...at times just be still and lend an ear. Lend an opinion only when asked...sometimes people just need to talk or vent.
I believe that you will at times be a sucky friend and will take more than you give. Your real friends will understand. They will always be there when you are ready to come back or will bug the crap out of you until you come around...as it should be. Then it will be their turn to implode and YOU get to be the good friend.
I believe in living your life to the fullest. It should be messy, not sedate. Full of energy, both good and bad, but not perfect. It should be full of ups and downs and curves..not a flat drive on an interstate (remember, the interstate is probably full of construction delays anyway *grin*). Live to learn and learn to live is very true. Make mistakes, then learn from them and make new ones.
I believe that Hollywood "role models", male and female...should put on panties (can't pull up your big girl panties if you're not wearing any), cover-up, quit procreating and be locked up away from alcohol, drugs and the media until they grow the heck up. We need to quit glamorizing these people to our children or letting the stars continue to believe we care what they think about politics, parenting or pouting beyond their ability to amuse us on screen. (which they "allow" us to make them rich by paying $10 a pop at the theater to sit through some of their drivel, btw...) You can also include a growing list of athletes that are being a total waste of skin and publicity, despite their natural talent to the list. To squander talent by being a weenie is a shame. You apparently cannot indeed make a silk purse out of a sows ear...or make them fixer-uppers by slapping a thin coat of paint on them, it starts to chip away eventually.
I believe we are made up of what we believe and what we stand for in life. If we are afraid to take a stand or to stand out, even occasionally, then we are taking up space and wasting time. Differences made in small ways are still very important. Not everything in life has to be a grand gesture to matter. The song that says "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything." is very true.
I believe I've earned my wrinkles and wear them like badges of honor. They mean I've worried (more than I should have at times), I've smiled often..and that I've had many opportunities to love well. They mean that I'm alive and living my life.
I believe in personal accountability and that there are consequences for our actions, good and bad. If you can't handle that and teach your children those lessons as well, turn in your membership to adulthood now. I might also suggest you not have any more children since you are obviously still one yourself.
I believe there are certain people that will soothe your soul, but excite the holy heck out of the rest of you. Don't ever settle for less.
I believe that rainy days are entirely necessary and not simply to provide water.
I believe in love. It is however, not a fairy tale or ever perfect...and will not always have a happy ending, TRUE love between two people meant to find each other does exist. Life will intrude and muck it up at times due to circumstances that happened before you met, love them anyway if they are truly "the one". It can work out , even if you can't fathom how at the moment. One thing is certain, you'll never know if you don't try. The future is fluid and uncertain. Don't ever take something rare and special for granted. Never lose a connection with those that matter, even if it's scary or not what you had planned.
I belive you don't get unlimited chances at life. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, you won't have missed out on happiness. You just might be pleasantly surprised..life is meant to be an adventure, not a spectator sport. Never settle for duty and responsibility over possible happiness, even it's messy or complicated..recognize it's worth and value. Life changes as we move through it and so do we all. Adjust and realize everything will be okay, whatever the outcome, even if we make changes...the world will keep spinning.
I believe that whomever decides to schedule major road reconstruction during rush hours on the interstate systems, should be tied naked to their resurfacing equipment and commuters should be issued paintball guns for target practice.
I believe that no matter how close you feel to a person online emotionally, it's not love until you and said person meet, look each other in the eye, talk, laugh and touch. Even then you have to realize some people will not be what you expected. All the more reason it's very important not to rush...some things are meant to be savored and anticipated. If it's real, time will enhance things, not degrade them. If you rush into something, be prepared for the possibility of problems you don't anticipate or failure. It's also a distinct possibility that you will let someone into your life that could be dangerous or bad for you. There IS no hurry for things that are meant to be.
I believe that as we age, our metabolism should speed UP, not slow down. I mean, give us "mature" people a break, we've earned it! We're already dealing with wrinkles, bad eyes, joints that betray us, etc. The least the grand design could have done is make it possible to eat anything we want and still fit in our pants.
I believe in manners and chivalry. I like having doors opened for me or to have a man lift heavy items and kill bugs, even when I can do it myself. I like being the female..feminists be damned. They did none of us any favors. Men and women are NOT created equally. We are meant to compliment each others weaknesses, not be the same.
I believe if you love someone, tell them...often...even if you think they already know it, say it anyway. At times, shout it from the rooftops or whisper it when it's unexpected. It's important.
I believe that it's essential to be silly now and then. We all need to let ourselves feel like kids again or to just spout nonsense. As adults, we have to deal with stress and serious issues frequently. MAKE time to just be ridiculous without intent.
I believe that anyone that can make you smile and lighten your mood, when you didn't think you were capable of laughing, is a keeper.
I believe in discretion and not necessarily airing ALL your dirty laundry to anyone with ears or eyes to read it. While it is fine and even necessary so that you won't go nuts to have a core group of those that support you...those to whom you dish the dirt and gory details to everything that makes you angry or hurts you...try to take the high road in public now and then.
I believe in supporting and respecting the office of the President, no matter who is holding the job at the time. It is a thankless job where you can't please anyone long term..one I wouldn't want to subject my private life or family to the scrutiny of. You are free to disagree with their politics, but when you resort to ridiculous name calling or personal attacks on the person themselves holding the office, you've crossed a line. Quite frankly it says a lot more about you and your ignorance, than it does about whatever you're disagreeing with. Intelligent debate is a good thing. Schoolyard bullying is just spectacularly unimpressive.
I believe in Patriotism and our country...in standing up for our rights as Americans without worrying about offending everyone in the world. In the same vein as the comment above, I believe that pride in our country is becoming silenced. It is a crying shame when we are embarrassed to have pride in our own country and be vocal it...much less enforce our own laws that put legal citizens first. If you pay taxes and came into the country the correct, legal way...I'm glad you're here, welcome. Heck, most American families have enough trouble getting their children a break on college tuition or for that matter getting a driver's license without 40 forms of ID and those are the people born here. I believe that laws should be followed and things done the right way.
I believe that English should be our National Language and you have to know it to become a citizen or live here. I'd learn your language if I lived in your country. I believe in flying the Stars and Bars proudly and supporting our military and their families with vigor.
I believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. If we stop believing in things that spark our imagination or in possibilities we can't see...things that bring out our childhood innocence, enthusiasm or excitement, we might as well be dead.
I believe in letting at least one person in your life, know you inside out. Someone you let know all of your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your shortcomings, your concerns, your opinions...without fear of judgment and with total honesty, no walls in place. It takes courage to strip your soul raw with someone else, to put light on all your secret places, but with the right person..it makes all the difference. If you do not have such a person, don't give up until you find them, but don't settle. They, in return...have to open themselves up to you totally as well. It cannot be one-sided.
I believe in learning something new..big or small..each and every day of our lives.
I believe that Political Correctness is a crock of horse dooky. Using tact is fine and even desired in most situations. So is learning to ignore what is said and getting over it. Grow a thicker skin and realize that not everyone is going to like or agree with you. For that matter, just grow the heck up.
I believe in the Golden Rule, treat others as you want to be treated. If others do not follow it in regard to your feelings, move on and find those that will without looking back.
I believe that we should freely allow kickball, dodge ball, and Red Rover on playgrounds across America and in schools. We are doing our children no favors by "teaching" them that if life they will never lose, that they should never have their feelings hurt and if you don't like the game, just quit. That's not real life and it will slap them in the face someday.
I believe that green M & M's taste the best.
I believe that saying "rabbit, rabbit, rabbit" on the first day of each month (It also has to be the first thing you say) will bring luck for the month.
I believe that at times, pasting a smile on your face, even when you don't feel like smiling...will lift your mood and possibly someone else's mood.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and getting a grip. You are allowed a day or two to wallow in self-pity when needed, but after that...it better turn into self-reflection, realistic assessment and in finding a way around whatever obstacle has you down. Quiet time in reflection is fine, constant pity parties are not. No one will ride up on a white horse and rescue you. If they did, they would probably be more like Don Quixote rather than Prince Charming anyway.
I believe in listening to those around you. Take 5 minutes out of your busy schedule to really hear what someone else has to say or what they need to say to another human being. Whether it be the clerk at the store, someone on the train, or a family member or friend...at times just be still and lend an ear. Lend an opinion only when asked...sometimes people just need to talk or vent.
I believe that you will at times be a sucky friend and will take more than you give. Your real friends will understand. They will always be there when you are ready to come back or will bug the crap out of you until you come around...as it should be. Then it will be their turn to implode and YOU get to be the good friend.
I believe in living your life to the fullest. It should be messy, not sedate. Full of energy, both good and bad, but not perfect. It should be full of ups and downs and curves..not a flat drive on an interstate (remember, the interstate is probably full of construction delays anyway *grin*). Live to learn and learn to live is very true. Make mistakes, then learn from them and make new ones.
I believe that Hollywood "role models", male and female...should put on panties (can't pull up your big girl panties if you're not wearing any), cover-up, quit procreating and be locked up away from alcohol, drugs and the media until they grow the heck up. We need to quit glamorizing these people to our children or letting the stars continue to believe we care what they think about politics, parenting or pouting beyond their ability to amuse us on screen. (which they "allow" us to make them rich by paying $10 a pop at the theater to sit through some of their drivel, btw...) You can also include a growing list of athletes that are being a total waste of skin and publicity, despite their natural talent to the list. To squander talent by being a weenie is a shame. You apparently cannot indeed make a silk purse out of a sows ear...or make them fixer-uppers by slapping a thin coat of paint on them, it starts to chip away eventually.
I believe we are made up of what we believe and what we stand for in life. If we are afraid to take a stand or to stand out, even occasionally, then we are taking up space and wasting time. Differences made in small ways are still very important. Not everything in life has to be a grand gesture to matter. The song that says "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything." is very true.
I believe I've earned my wrinkles and wear them like badges of honor. They mean I've worried (more than I should have at times), I've smiled often..and that I've had many opportunities to love well. They mean that I'm alive and living my life.
Reality, The Final Frontier...What a Concept!
In life, there will come a time when you have to admit a few things to yourself...if you dare. The sheer force of your will is not enough. You can only do what YOU can do in situations, both in your life or in events that concern you...but ultimately you cannot make anyone else do the things you think they should or the things you need for them to do for your peace of mind. You cannot control everything around you all the time. There will be situations in which you have to trust enough and go with your gut feeling or let someone else take the lead, even if you believe it's not the shortest path to where you need to go or you can't see the outcome from the start. You will fail from time to time, and if you don't...then you're not playing fair somewhere along the line.
Even someone that loves you or that you love with all your heart, will at times disappoint or hurt you. It's up to you to decide what you do about it and whether the hurt is a temporary and sometimes necessary curve in the journey, or whether it's a detour that won't ever lead to where you want to be. If the person is truly important to you and your life, weigh these choices carefully before you act. Some bridges can never be recrossed once they are traveled over. There will be times though, when enough is enough. Learn the difference.
Not every day will be a good one. Some days will swing from the highest highs to the lowest lows with remarkable speed simply because of an unexpected phrase or thoughtless comment expressed from someone you trust, love or depend on. These comments are probably not thought twice about, much less ever meant to upset you. Try to remember that hurt feelings are not fatal.
Remember when someone acts in ways that confound or confuse you out of the blue, that they might in fact be coming from a place of fear themselves and their behavior is a protective measure on their part. Don't always make it about yourself. Stop to consider what else may be going on beneath the surface and why. Also stop to remember why they are in your life in the first place and that you want them there for a reason.
Tell or show people how important they are to you often...just because, and don't expect it in return or be hurt if the people around you don't always do the same to you. Love and respect can't be mandated or scheduled for others by you. At times love is only a silent player much like the wind...some days it's a gale, some days a mere breeze. You can feel it in every fiber of your being without always having to have flashy demonstrations of it's existence. Learn to appreciate all the subtle nuances of it's presence as well..they are just as precious..at times more so.
People love and express love in their own unique, individual ways. None of these ways are perfect, nor can be judged as right or wrong. Just because someone doesn't love you exactly the way you want them to, doesn't mean they aren't giving you all they are capable of giving. If it's not enough for YOU, it is then your problem..not theirs. Only you can decide to walk away or not at that point. Don't get involved with someone expecting to change them or for them to change for you. We females are notorious for this.
Whether you consider yourself religious, spiritual or a freak of nature that is on this Earth by mere coincidence of atoms colliding...the Good Book still has some common sense rules of humanity to live by. Treat others as you'd like to be treated...don't always envy what someone else has and take for granted the good things in your own life...and karma or fate or destiny (whatever you choose to call it) will indeed come full circle if you choose to tempt it too many times. Don't cry over spilt milk and don't assume that getting said milk without ever any commitment to the cow will be without consequences.
Bottom line, growing up is not for the faint of heart. Courage, responsibility and honor are not givens in your character, but developed by the way you choose to live your life and treat others.
Try not to be trivial or sleaze your way through life..make a difference where you can, while you can. Make your mark on this world instead of being like gum on the bottom of someones shoe.
If these simple common sense concepts are too much for your meager brain to handle or for your corrupt soul to fathom, then trust me...you won't have many people eager to spend time with you. Playing dumb or trying to be "cute" all the time without ever being real, wears thin quickly. Have some substance and backbone in all that you do, even during play.
Learn to make a difference.
Begin with you.
Even someone that loves you or that you love with all your heart, will at times disappoint or hurt you. It's up to you to decide what you do about it and whether the hurt is a temporary and sometimes necessary curve in the journey, or whether it's a detour that won't ever lead to where you want to be. If the person is truly important to you and your life, weigh these choices carefully before you act. Some bridges can never be recrossed once they are traveled over. There will be times though, when enough is enough. Learn the difference.
Not every day will be a good one. Some days will swing from the highest highs to the lowest lows with remarkable speed simply because of an unexpected phrase or thoughtless comment expressed from someone you trust, love or depend on. These comments are probably not thought twice about, much less ever meant to upset you. Try to remember that hurt feelings are not fatal.
Remember when someone acts in ways that confound or confuse you out of the blue, that they might in fact be coming from a place of fear themselves and their behavior is a protective measure on their part. Don't always make it about yourself. Stop to consider what else may be going on beneath the surface and why. Also stop to remember why they are in your life in the first place and that you want them there for a reason.
Tell or show people how important they are to you often...just because, and don't expect it in return or be hurt if the people around you don't always do the same to you. Love and respect can't be mandated or scheduled for others by you. At times love is only a silent player much like the wind...some days it's a gale, some days a mere breeze. You can feel it in every fiber of your being without always having to have flashy demonstrations of it's existence. Learn to appreciate all the subtle nuances of it's presence as well..they are just as precious..at times more so.
People love and express love in their own unique, individual ways. None of these ways are perfect, nor can be judged as right or wrong. Just because someone doesn't love you exactly the way you want them to, doesn't mean they aren't giving you all they are capable of giving. If it's not enough for YOU, it is then your problem..not theirs. Only you can decide to walk away or not at that point. Don't get involved with someone expecting to change them or for them to change for you. We females are notorious for this.
Whether you consider yourself religious, spiritual or a freak of nature that is on this Earth by mere coincidence of atoms colliding...the Good Book still has some common sense rules of humanity to live by. Treat others as you'd like to be treated...don't always envy what someone else has and take for granted the good things in your own life...and karma or fate or destiny (whatever you choose to call it) will indeed come full circle if you choose to tempt it too many times. Don't cry over spilt milk and don't assume that getting said milk without ever any commitment to the cow will be without consequences.
Bottom line, growing up is not for the faint of heart. Courage, responsibility and honor are not givens in your character, but developed by the way you choose to live your life and treat others.
Try not to be trivial or sleaze your way through life..make a difference where you can, while you can. Make your mark on this world instead of being like gum on the bottom of someones shoe.
If these simple common sense concepts are too much for your meager brain to handle or for your corrupt soul to fathom, then trust me...you won't have many people eager to spend time with you. Playing dumb or trying to be "cute" all the time without ever being real, wears thin quickly. Have some substance and backbone in all that you do, even during play.
Learn to make a difference.
Begin with you.
Emotionally Unavailable, Irresistible and Fabulous
Females are taught from birth, that men are supposed to be the pursuers, while women are supposed to be coy, quiet, and apprehensive. As nature has made us, women tend to be sexually selective and play hard to get, while men fight each other for the reproductive opportunities we offer them in order to make sure the species survives. Women are therefore presumed to be predestined as the picky sex and men have the role of winning them over with their worth and charm. Winning them over that is, when they're not too busy being aloof and calling the shots as to the tempo in the relationship. Well, at least that's what many biological and evolutionary theorists argue anyway. Personally, I think they might all have been dropped on their heads at birth, but that's a debate for another time.I've recently discovered another itty bitty well kept secret in the relationship wheel of fortune...a nugget of wisdom that will aid many travelers on the road not taken...the art of being Emotionally Unavailable, or EU for short.
"You should bottle this emotional unavailability thing...it's better than perfume and a mini-skirt for attracting men and getting noticed." Such was a friend's reaction to the flood of attention I received from men at one point in time, all because for a year or more, I became completely, utterly, totally emotionally unavailable (EU). The results of this emotional "scent" have been rather baffling to my friends. After all, isn't it men who are usually the emotionally unavailable gender? Aren't we females supposed to be giving THEM signals that we are interested instead of giving off an essence that we're not?
When it comes to being EU however, we're not talking about being selective or playing hard to get. (and if that's your game, know that playing hard to get DOES NOT work.) Men have equally strong opinions of the hard-to-get as they do of the easy-to-get women. Your best strategy is to play selectively hard-to-get if you really want a guy. This kind of woman is always the most popular among men if she knows how to use such strategies in a skillful way...think seduction and discretion. The thing with the emotionally unavailable woman is that she really and truly DOESN'T care if she's involved with anyone...she really has no need for a relationship at the moment and would rather focus on other things. She's either too busy, too tired, being pulled in too many directions, or has recently been too emotionally burnt or scarred to have the desire to play or engage in any games, pursuit, or selection process.
The irony of all this becomes, when a woman is truly emotionally unavailable, the men start dropping like flies. In a lot of ways, this woman is now his dream girl. Amongst the flock of women throwing themselves at him, not only does she present a challenge (something men love), but she also offers no threat of things getting too emotional or heavy any time too soon. Furthermore, she's not frigid, mean, or impossible to get along with due to mood swings, she just doesn't care where things go or what happens..she's politely detached. She has no agenda, no mission to get a ring on her finger, no vision of him meeting her parents, no plans to start popping out babies anytime soon, if ever... you get the picture.
So how does one become emotionally unavailable? While there are tons of ways to become "EU," I thought I'd start with the Top 5 suggestions for achieving your goal:
1. Stay busy, maintaining a jam-packed schedule. If you don't have the time to think about relationships, then they can't become a priority and you are less likely to stress over your status. This will make you less likely to respond to his email or return his phone call, at least any time soon. Ultimately, you'll stay on his radar longer because you're not giving him your full attention from the get-go and are in the driver's seat in whether or not things will happen.
2. Travel, a lot if possible. People who are always on the road (or in the air) have difficulty maintaining any kind of relationship. The fact that you're always out of town will excuse you from not being overly attentive to a beau, but not rule out any potential. You just don't have the time to get serious right now, literally. You avoid dealing him an ego bruise, which will keep the door open. This tip will also make it easier to avoid even starting a relationship in the first place, if that is what makes things easier.
3. Go on a relationship hiatus. Make a pledge to yourself that for the next "X" weeks or months, you will only be involved with yourself, taking the time to do everything you've been wanting to do to better yourself, take care of yourself, and love yourself. This will help you deflect any eager beaver attempts on his part until you're ready for them, upping the anticipation for him. This may be lonely, especially in the dark hours of the night when your mind has time to think..but in the long run will do a lot of good if you decide to come out of hiatus. You'll be more prepared to start something new with no residual baggage.
4. Throw yourself into a long-term project. Choose to write a book or screenplay, plot world domination, move or redecorate your house, do something which will demand 99% of your attention and focus. When you finally DO make the time to surface for some fun, make sure your friends get first dibs on your remaining 1%. Any males can join your posse in tow if they're up for it. It's the only way you can "squeeze" him in.
5. Look dynamite whenever you go out. If you're giving off the aura that you could care less if you meet somebody, men will be even more intrigued that you're all dolled up, but for whom? What purpose does this serve, he will wonder. What does this woman have going on that I need to know about? An air of mystery is always sexy and alluring...and the best part is, you could really care less at this point. You're not playing hard to get, you ARE hard to get. It's more alluring than any other lure you can imagine.
Of course, being emotionally unavailable "should" only happen for random periods of time in a perfect world. For some of us, it's permanent after a while if we keep up the shields for too long. You have to realize that at some point if you want to not be alone, you will have to emerge from the self-imposed hiatus and take a chance on life and love again. After a while, you'll have so many men falling at your feet that you'll be forced to begin to entertain the thought of getting involved with at least one of them a little more seriously. In the meantime, see being EU as a way to focus on yourself, tend to the non-relationship needs in your life, and as a means to let guys come after you. You may be surprised by the end result.
"You should bottle this emotional unavailability thing...it's better than perfume and a mini-skirt for attracting men and getting noticed." Such was a friend's reaction to the flood of attention I received from men at one point in time, all because for a year or more, I became completely, utterly, totally emotionally unavailable (EU). The results of this emotional "scent" have been rather baffling to my friends. After all, isn't it men who are usually the emotionally unavailable gender? Aren't we females supposed to be giving THEM signals that we are interested instead of giving off an essence that we're not?
When it comes to being EU however, we're not talking about being selective or playing hard to get. (and if that's your game, know that playing hard to get DOES NOT work.) Men have equally strong opinions of the hard-to-get as they do of the easy-to-get women. Your best strategy is to play selectively hard-to-get if you really want a guy. This kind of woman is always the most popular among men if she knows how to use such strategies in a skillful way...think seduction and discretion. The thing with the emotionally unavailable woman is that she really and truly DOESN'T care if she's involved with anyone...she really has no need for a relationship at the moment and would rather focus on other things. She's either too busy, too tired, being pulled in too many directions, or has recently been too emotionally burnt or scarred to have the desire to play or engage in any games, pursuit, or selection process.
The irony of all this becomes, when a woman is truly emotionally unavailable, the men start dropping like flies. In a lot of ways, this woman is now his dream girl. Amongst the flock of women throwing themselves at him, not only does she present a challenge (something men love), but she also offers no threat of things getting too emotional or heavy any time too soon. Furthermore, she's not frigid, mean, or impossible to get along with due to mood swings, she just doesn't care where things go or what happens..she's politely detached. She has no agenda, no mission to get a ring on her finger, no vision of him meeting her parents, no plans to start popping out babies anytime soon, if ever... you get the picture.
So how does one become emotionally unavailable? While there are tons of ways to become "EU," I thought I'd start with the Top 5 suggestions for achieving your goal:
1. Stay busy, maintaining a jam-packed schedule. If you don't have the time to think about relationships, then they can't become a priority and you are less likely to stress over your status. This will make you less likely to respond to his email or return his phone call, at least any time soon. Ultimately, you'll stay on his radar longer because you're not giving him your full attention from the get-go and are in the driver's seat in whether or not things will happen.
2. Travel, a lot if possible. People who are always on the road (or in the air) have difficulty maintaining any kind of relationship. The fact that you're always out of town will excuse you from not being overly attentive to a beau, but not rule out any potential. You just don't have the time to get serious right now, literally. You avoid dealing him an ego bruise, which will keep the door open. This tip will also make it easier to avoid even starting a relationship in the first place, if that is what makes things easier.
3. Go on a relationship hiatus. Make a pledge to yourself that for the next "X" weeks or months, you will only be involved with yourself, taking the time to do everything you've been wanting to do to better yourself, take care of yourself, and love yourself. This will help you deflect any eager beaver attempts on his part until you're ready for them, upping the anticipation for him. This may be lonely, especially in the dark hours of the night when your mind has time to think..but in the long run will do a lot of good if you decide to come out of hiatus. You'll be more prepared to start something new with no residual baggage.
4. Throw yourself into a long-term project. Choose to write a book or screenplay, plot world domination, move or redecorate your house, do something which will demand 99% of your attention and focus. When you finally DO make the time to surface for some fun, make sure your friends get first dibs on your remaining 1%. Any males can join your posse in tow if they're up for it. It's the only way you can "squeeze" him in.
5. Look dynamite whenever you go out. If you're giving off the aura that you could care less if you meet somebody, men will be even more intrigued that you're all dolled up, but for whom? What purpose does this serve, he will wonder. What does this woman have going on that I need to know about? An air of mystery is always sexy and alluring...and the best part is, you could really care less at this point. You're not playing hard to get, you ARE hard to get. It's more alluring than any other lure you can imagine.
Of course, being emotionally unavailable "should" only happen for random periods of time in a perfect world. For some of us, it's permanent after a while if we keep up the shields for too long. You have to realize that at some point if you want to not be alone, you will have to emerge from the self-imposed hiatus and take a chance on life and love again. After a while, you'll have so many men falling at your feet that you'll be forced to begin to entertain the thought of getting involved with at least one of them a little more seriously. In the meantime, see being EU as a way to focus on yourself, tend to the non-relationship needs in your life, and as a means to let guys come after you. You may be surprised by the end result.
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