Take a Chance On Life..Make it Count

Take chances…
Tell the truth…
Date someone totally wrong for you…Twice…
Say no…
Spend all your cash…
Fall in love…
Get to know someone random…
BE RANDOM…
Say “I love you”…
Trust even when it scares you…
Sing out loud…
Let someone know how much they mean to you…
Laugh at a stupid joke…
Cry…
Get revenge now and then…
Apologize…
Tell a jerk what you think of them…
Let someone know what they are missing…
Share your inner thoughts…
Occasionally give in to your secret urges…
Take a chance on someone…
Try new looks…
Take the road less traveled…
Don’t take yourself so seriously all the time…
Tell someone you miss them…
Be mysterious…
NEVER settle for less than you deserve or want…
And always,

LIVE LIFE!!

The ability or will to live outside our natural comfort zone is something that most people will never think of doing, much less attempt. I’m not talking about abandoning all sense of responsibility or duty in day to day life. Unfortunately, that does seem to be a growing trait more and more people seem to be taking on in our society today. Not accepting responsibility for their actions or not being prepared for consequences is something that a lot of my generation seems to be embracing themselves and then passing on to our children. It’s much easier to shift blame or just ignore the facts of what our actions or words can cause.

Is everyone this way? No, thank goodness…there are still a majority of people that realize you have to be accountable and take a stand for what you truly believe in and let your life reflect those beliefs…and if things don’t work out the way you thought they would or should, take the consequences with grace and style…and move on.

HOWEVER, I have come to realize over time that there also has to be a balance, or rather there SHOULD be a balance in your life, that enables you to fulfill the duties and tasks you need to accomplish while at the same time always you not neglect the needs of your soul or the things that can make you happy. The things that might take you outside that comfort zone a lot of us seem to fall into and never leave.

Is finding that balance an easy thing to do? NO…it’s something that can and probably will cause that butterflies in your stomach feeling, sweaty palms and it’s pretty much guaranteed you will miss sleep while trying to find yourself. Is it something necessary to live life to it’s fullest so that you can one day look back at your life and truly have no regrets? No regrets for always having done what was always expected of you rather than what would have made you happy (even now and then)?

ABSOLUTELY!!!

I see examples of so many bitter unhappy people merely walking through their lives these days.
There are those that are dissatisfied with their lives or standing in society. The ones that are unhappy with their own choices and instead want to blame others rather than themselves when life doesn’t work out the way they planned. They end up feeling alone or stupid because of decisions they have freely made. It almost seems they take comfort in their misery and are almost anxious to wallow in their discomfort rather than take steps to improve the things making them miserable.

Next there are those that believe by taking care of everyone around them at the expense of themselves or their own happiness, that they somehow are doing the right thing. Instead, they end up cheating everyone around them, including themselves. They are robbing those they love of ever knowing the true person living within. The people that will freely take from them without interest or care for the sacrifices being made are being done no favors. The person that lives their life through the happiness of others is in essence wasting a huge part of themselves and their potential, often without anyone even noticing or caring.

Then there some, and in my opinion, the worst…those that are intent on thinking themselves above it all and better than their fellow man, even though a lot of their own actions are purely hypocritical and the same or worse than those they try to belittle. In the end, they only end up making themselves look foolish in the process and rarely see it. I have found that I have no patience or sympathy for anyone that makes the choice to be vindictive, mean spirited or judgemental toward others instead of putting responsibility on themselves or living their own lives. I do however, pity those stuck in that rut of unhappiness or deceit, and for the people that have to live with or interact with them over and over again. The masks they think they wear so carefully are often instead transparent to everyone around them.

I know I can’t change all of the wrongs in the world by myself or always worry about what I cannot change in others. I don’t plan to look back on my life one day and lament the fact that I missed out on things I should have taken a chance on. The things that at the time might have seemed crazy or scary or stupid…something not in my “comfort zone”.

Over the last few years I have embraced this philosophy. In doing so, at times the decisions I’ve made have turned out to be terrific ones where I’ve grown, learned and purely enjoyed. At times, as will happen, some choices were ones in the end I’d have rather not made, but I still learned from those choices as well. It turns out even tough lessons are valuable ones if you let them be.

I plan to keep living life and taking chances outside what is merely expected of me. In the process I will try to never purposely do harm to others or shirk responsibilities that are all important in life. By the same token however, I also never plan to quit growing or experiencing the flavors and colors of life, or for that matter shrink away from confrontations if they are warranted. I will not sacrifice my full potential or happiness out of fear or by trying to take care of everyone else but myself in a misguided attempt to be selfless or a martyr.

I will try to always take chances when I can, even when I’m uncertain of the outcome. This is what keeps us vital and young and moving ahead. It keeps us from becoming stagnant, unhappy or bitter because of missed opportunities or from blaming others for what we decide to do or not do with our lives. It keeps us from having disappointment in how our lives turn out.

So I’m living my life as I started this post, continuing to move forward with my eyes wide open, head held high and my mind open to what is to come, even in these uncertain times.

Living your life well IS truly the best “revenge” against disappointment or being stuck in a rut with no chance of escape. It’s not comfortable at times to believe in yourself, but life will certainly never be dull!

~Live well, laugh often, love passionately~

These ARE the Good Old Days, Learn To Appreciate Them

Anticipation.

Function: noun

1 the act of looking forward; especially : pleasurable expectation
2 visualization of a future event or state

These are just a couple of the benign definitions of the word "anticipation", the clinical version of the word. We learn from an early age to anticipate events in our lives, both good and bad. We start to look forward in life and not backward. The butterfly feeling in the stomach, the feeling of being on pins and needles, hoping that time will hurry and pass so that we can get to the "good" stuff, you know the feeling. I have personally learned to love and to enjoy that time, to find ways to heighten it, so that when what I've been yearning for is happening, it's not merely good, but great...memorable.

When we are young, we learn to look forward to special treats. Remember the feeling of waking up on a summer's day and knowing that "sometime" during the course of the afternoon, the ice cream truck might make a trip through your neighborhood? You prepared for it. Made sure that you alerted Mom to the possibility that you'd need money at a moment's notice. You stayed almost on point, listening for the bell that heralded it's arrival. You looked forward when you were young to any special treat promised for good behavior. Vacations or trips were planned and before you ever loaded up the car to head out, there had been weeks of preparation and sleepless nights when you absolutely couldn't wait to leave and get started on your adventure.

If we are really clever, as we get older and travel along life's paths, we learn how to use anticipation to draw out the time prior to good events we know are upcoming. We use anticipation almost as foreplay in the days leading up to special times we hope to cherish and remember always. We think about what special unexpected things might happen. We ponder the variables that could either enhance or detract from our experience. We dream of what might be, both when we are awake and sleeping. The time seems to crawl, but by the same token...that in itself can be delicious in piquing the senses if done correctly. We anticipate...we feel fully alive. It's exciting, it's vital to life to look forward to things.

We look forward to our first love, our first kiss. We look forward (hopefully) to our wedding. The birth of our first child is a time of worry, joy and hope...that doesn't diminish with all the children that follow. We look forward to special vacations, to graduations. We anticipate new jobs and new relationships...to anniversaries and to new homes. So many things to look forward to and absolutely savor if we pay attention...if we don't try wish our lives away and hope that the time flies rather than enjoying the journey to get there, using it as a part of the good part.

Some of us remember when Carly Simon brought the word Anticipation to life in a song. She gave it texture and locked it in our minds, it was a theme song for many teenagers and 20 somethings as to what our lives would hold. (Of course, this was BEFORE the song was forever linked to ketchup slowly oozing it's way out to give us something thick and tasty to eat) Okay, back to my basic point...learn to feel anticipation again. There are no guarantees in life of how something will turn out...look forward to the possibilities anyway. Keep that childlike magic alive of wanting and yearning for something that is to come so that you don't grow old and stagnant in your life. Don't over plan or try to regiment every detail as we tend to do as adults...try going with the flow and letting your dreams guide you. Take chances, go after the things that are important or rare without fear or second guessing...trust your intuition.

LET yourself feel the butterflies. Be on pins and needles, laugh out loud or share secrets with someone. Daydream and "feel" what is to come. Want it, need it, embrace that special time beforehand...then enjoy the heck out of the actual event. Learn to live in the moment now and then when you can...when the times call for it. Let go and give yourself permission to reach out and grab what you need or want. Take the time for yourself...trust me...it's important. Don't miss out on life by always choosing what is safe or expected. Take a few chances along the way, you just might find they pay off.

It's amazing how time really does fly and the thing you've looked forward to, does indeed arrive in it's own time. Spectacularly.

Emotionally Unavailable, Irresistible and Fabulous

Females are taught from birth, that men are supposed to be the pursuers, while women are supposed to be coy, quiet, and apprehensive. As nature has made us, women tend to be sexually selective and play hard to get, while men fight each other for the reproductive opportunities we offer them in order to make sure the species survives. Women are therefore presumed to be predestined as the picky sex and men have the role of winning them over with their worth and charm. Winning them over that is, when they're not too busy being aloof and calling the shots as to the tempo in the relationship. Well, at least that's what many biological and evolutionary theorists argue anyway. Personally, I think they might all have been dropped on their heads at birth, but that's a debate for another time.I've recently discovered another itty bitty well kept secret in the relationship wheel of fortune...a nugget of wisdom that will aid many travelers on the road not taken...the art of being Emotionally Unavailable, or EU for short.

"You should bottle this emotional unavailability thing...it's better than perfume and a mini-skirt for attracting men and getting noticed." Such was a friend's reaction to the flood of attention I received from men at one point in time, all because for a year or more, I became completely, utterly, totally emotionally unavailable (EU). The results of this emotional "scent" have been rather baffling to my friends. After all, isn't it men who are usually the emotionally unavailable gender? Aren't we females supposed to be giving THEM signals that we are interested instead of giving off an essence that we're not?

When it comes to being EU however, we're not talking about being selective or playing hard to get. (and if that's your game, know that playing hard to get DOES NOT work.) Men have equally strong opinions of the hard-to-get as they do of the easy-to-get women. Your best strategy is to play selectively hard-to-get if you really want a guy. This kind of woman is always the most popular among men if she knows how to use such strategies in a skillful way...think seduction and discretion. The thing with the emotionally unavailable woman is that she really and truly DOESN'T care if she's involved with anyone...she really has no need for a relationship at the moment and would rather focus on other things. She's either too busy, too tired, being pulled in too many directions, or has recently been too emotionally burnt or scarred to have the desire to play or engage in any games, pursuit, or selection process.

The irony of all this becomes, when a woman is truly emotionally unavailable, the men start dropping like flies. In a lot of ways, this woman is now his dream girl. Amongst the flock of women throwing themselves at him, not only does she present a challenge (something men love), but she also offers no threat of things getting too emotional or heavy any time too soon. Furthermore, she's not frigid, mean, or impossible to get along with due to mood swings, she just doesn't care where things go or what happens..she's politely detached. She has no agenda, no mission to get a ring on her finger, no vision of him meeting her parents, no plans to start popping out babies anytime soon, if ever... you get the picture.

So how does one become emotionally unavailable? While there are tons of ways to become "EU," I thought I'd start with the Top 5 suggestions for achieving your goal:

1. Stay busy, maintaining a jam-packed schedule. If you don't have the time to think about relationships, then they can't become a priority and you are less likely to stress over your status. This will make you less likely to respond to his email or return his phone call, at least any time soon. Ultimately, you'll stay on his radar longer because you're not giving him your full attention from the get-go and are in the driver's seat in whether or not things will happen.

2. Travel, a lot if possible. People who are always on the road (or in the air) have difficulty maintaining any kind of relationship. The fact that you're always out of town will excuse you from not being overly attentive to a beau, but not rule out any potential. You just don't have the time to get serious right now, literally. You avoid dealing him an ego bruise, which will keep the door open. This tip will also make it easier to avoid even starting a relationship in the first place, if that is what makes things easier.

3. Go on a relationship hiatus. Make a pledge to yourself that for the next "X" weeks or months, you will only be involved with yourself, taking the time to do everything you've been wanting to do to better yourself, take care of yourself, and love yourself. This will help you deflect any eager beaver attempts on his part until you're ready for them, upping the anticipation for him. This may be lonely, especially in the dark hours of the night when your mind has time to think..but in the long run will do a lot of good if you decide to come out of hiatus. You'll be more prepared to start something new with no residual baggage.

4. Throw yourself into a long-term project. Choose to write a book or screenplay, plot world domination, move or redecorate your house, do something which will demand 99% of your attention and focus. When you finally DO make the time to surface for some fun, make sure your friends get first dibs on your remaining 1%. Any males can join your posse in tow if they're up for it. It's the only way you can "squeeze" him in.

5. Look dynamite whenever you go out. If you're giving off the aura that you could care less if you meet somebody, men will be even more intrigued that you're all dolled up, but for whom? What purpose does this serve, he will wonder. What does this woman have going on that I need to know about? An air of mystery is always sexy and alluring...and the best part is, you could really care less at this point. You're not playing hard to get, you ARE hard to get. It's more alluring than any other lure you can imagine.


Of course, being emotionally unavailable "should" only happen for random periods of time in a perfect world. For some of us, it's permanent after a while if we keep up the shields for too long. You have to realize that at some point if you want to not be alone, you will have to emerge from the self-imposed hiatus and take a chance on life and love again. After a while, you'll have so many men falling at your feet that you'll be forced to begin to entertain the thought of getting involved with at least one of them a little more seriously. In the meantime, see being EU as a way to focus on yourself, tend to the non-relationship needs in your life, and as a means to let guys come after you. You may be surprised by the end result.