I'm Not Settling For Just Getting By..Are You?

I rarely, if ever, listen to the drive time disc jockeys (even though I dated a prominent one here in at Atlanta years ago). Usually, when they start endlessly talking ad nauseum about some silly subject designed to titillate the masses, I switch to another station or at times even just turn the radio off in favor of a little blessed hard found silence on the drive home.


Today though, on the way home from the airport, one of the local shows hit on a topic that was morbidly fascinating to listen to. It was a case of not being totally surprised by the subject matter, quite frankly it’s something I’ve addressed many times over the years. Instead it amazed me that so many people would get on live radio and be brutally honest, no holds barred. They were taking the chance of hurting those that love them or that were clueless in their relationships by using not only their names, but in having someone hear and recognize their voices.


As I said, the topic was not a surprise. The DJs asked who amongst us had “settled” in their relationships for someone that was “safe” rather than what we truly wanted. By safe, they meant someone that we thought would be a good mate or parent, that would most likely never stray but if we’re honest with ourselves, we really have little to no attraction to besides friendship and never will. They asked who had married someone that they “learned” to have some feelings for, however pale those emotions might be, but that they do not have passion for.


The phone lines were literally jammed with callers almost eager to tell their tales of passing over the ones that fired their senses for the one that will simply “do”. While there were plenty of men calling, the women were far more brutal and plentiful in their descriptions of how boring their mates were. Most also were very honest about their lack of attraction for their partner’s looks and desirability factor. Even those only married a short time no longer had any great desire to be intimate with their mates. The spark just isn’t there and wasn’t there to begin with.


It was almost as if the floodgates had been opened and all the people that had been hiding in the shadows with their discontent, now felt free to finally share their deepest secrets with all of Atlanta. So why do so many people settle and stay in relationships that are not meeting their needs and never will?


Why are we all still here?


Why are we still dealing with it?


What is it that makes us attempt to salvage every shred of our relationships?


Is it attachment? Insecurity? Is the thought of being alone so terrible that we’re settling with unsatisfactory actions or the lack thereof in our relationships? Can they really love us as much as they say they do and act like such jerks sometimes? (Uninterested, interested in someone else, or only interested in themselves?)


Some of the reasons we settle in relationships and stay in relationships:

1. Security


2. Fear of Change


3. Safety


4. It's easier to stay in our comfort zone without too much effort required or expected of us


5. Attachment


6. Afraid to be alone


7. Not wanting to disappoint our peers or family and take the chance of being excluded from the "group" and upset the status quo


8. Fear of being seen as the bad guy/gal or appearing to be selfish


9. What if the next relationship is worse?


10. A sense of obligation/responsibility, whether real or imagined

Is there a way you are settling for less than you deserve in a relationship? Are you saying a clear “no” to things that do not work for you or the things that are not right for you? Are you afraid of being alone? Afraid you will not have another chance at love? And most of all, do you feel unworthy to have a deeply loving relationship?

Or could it be that having a real adult relationship is too scary and too much work? Is it too daunting to let someone see that much of yourself and take the chance they might not like what they discover? Are we too afraid to reach for what we want and deserve to have..to live life to the fullest? Are we becoming a society that is satisfied with apathy and being just “okay” rather than striving for excellence in every area of our lives, personal and professional?


Are YOU settling? If so, why do you choose to cheat yourself and everyone around you by withholding major parts of yourself or disconnecting from life and not living it to it’s full potential?



Is it ever okay to settle for apathy and merely what we think we can "get" over what we want and need to be TRULY happy in order to live life to it's full potential? Is that fair to ourselves or for that matter to those we choose to settle for? Are we cheating them as well out of their chance for happiness?

What Makes You Stay - Deana Carter from Hope Floats

Look at me

I'm in a place

I never thought I'd be..

Don't have the strength

To fight anymore

Or a reason not to leave.

So tell me why I still keep holding on

To something I just cannot see.

What makes you stay

When your world falls apart?

What makes you try one more time

When it's not in your heart?

At the end of your rope

When you can't find any hope..

You still look at her and say

I just can't walk away.

Tell me what makes you stay.

I'm not afraid

Of living alone

I was alone before he came.

I've been in love

Many times before

But this time's not the same.

I've always been the first to say goodbye

Now it's the last thing I can do.

What makes you stay

When your world falls apart?

What makes you try one more time

When it's not in your heart?

At the end of your rope

When you can't find any hope

You still look at her and say..

I just can't walk away.

Tell me what makes you stay.

When it goes this deep

And feels this strong,

I can't convince myself

That this love is wrong.

What makes you stay

When your world falls apart?

What makes you try one more time

When it's not in your heart?

At the end of your rope

When you can't find any hope..

You still look at her and say

I just can't walk away.

Tell me what makes you stay.

It Ain't Easy Being Green, But Apparently It's VERY Stimulating! - March 17, 2009

Once again with the turn of the calendar, it’s the day to celebrate all things Irish and in the process, all things green. Why Crayola alone makes 20 different green crayons in varying hues, so there must be something to all this green fever!

Our language is liberally seasoned with metaphors, idioms and phrases all revolving around our obsession with the color of money and luck.

We are taught that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, but the green green grass of home is a good thing.

You can turn green with envy when the green eyed monster rears it’s ugly head.

Dr. Seuss pointed out that despite Sam I Am’s obsession with Green eggs and ham, that it’s probably not going to be a hot seller on the menu at IHOP or Waffle House anytime soon.

We wax poetic about the green green grass of home and how green the valley and play on fields of green while wearing green for luck.

We don’t know for sure, but it’s entirely possible that the GreenEyed Lady of Sugarloaf song fame…”Green eyed lady, ocean lady…Soothing every wave that comes” might have been Green around the gills if she was prone to seasickness by that ocean.

You can be a greenhorn, have a green thumb, or wait in the green room if you are a celebrity. You can get a green light to proceed in life or traffic. We love to have plenty of greenbacks in our pocket, especially in this economy.

According to Celtic myths, the Green Man was the God of Fertility.

Green has long been considered a metaphor and symbol for fertility and this was evident in the fifteenth (15th) century as Green was the preferred color for wedding attire.

The symbolism attached to the color Green continues to this day even though it has now taken on more modern meanings.

For instance, did you know that green M&M’s have long been the subject of myth as they are considered, by some, to have magical aphrodisiac powers? As to whether or not this is true is, of course, subject to interpretation, but I for one, always save the green M&M’s to eat last, just for luck. Apparently others must do the same thing because in 1996, a commercial was released that asked “Is it true what they say about green ones?” Hey, can’t hurt to try and M&M’s are MUCH cheaper than oysters or that famed little blue pill (not to mention a lot less slimy!).

Perhaps that why Kermit was always lamenting that “It ain’t easy being green” and explains why Ms. Piggy was always in hot pursuit of his cute little green tooshie. He is, after all, the very essence and symbol of fertility and the perfect aphrodisiac personified in amphibian form. I ask you, how could a mere female pig be expected to resist that??

Green occupies more space in the spectrum visible to the human eye than most colors, and is second only to blue as a favorite color. Green is the pervasive color in the natural world, making it an ideal backdrop in interior design because we are so used to seeing it everywhere.

A few fun facts all surrounding the color green that you might not know…

Interesting information about green:

Green was the favorite color of George Washington, the first President of the United States.

The color green signifies mystical or magical properties in the stories of King Arthur.

Green is one color that means “low” or “guarded” in the color-coded threat system established by presidential order in March 2002. This system quickly informs law enforcement agencies when intelligence indicates a change in the terrorist threat facing the United States.

Green is the color used for night-vision goggles because the human eye is most sensitive to and able to discern the most shades of that color.

Bright green is the color of the astrological sign “Cancer.”

Green ribbons have been used by a range of environmental groups to symbolize organ donation and transplant, awareness of Bipolar Disorder, solidarity with Chechnya, and support of farmers in America.

NASCAR racers have shared a bias against the color green for decades. Reportedly, it began after a 1920 accident in Beverly Hills, California, that killed defending Indianapolis 500 champion Gaston Chevrolet. It was the first known racing accident in the United States to kill two drivers, and Chevrolet reportedly was driving a green car. Tim Richmond once refused to drive a car sponsored by Folger’s decaffeinated coffee because the primary color was green. He wound up in the Folger’s regular coffee car - and its red scheme. But the fear of green cars is fading, primarily because sponsors are willing to pay $15 million to splash their colors on a race car. Green is now the primary color of cars driven by Mayfield, Marlin, and J.J. Yeley.

Green in athletics and sports:

In auto racing, a green flag signals the start or resumption of a race.

The green belt in Judo symbolizes green trees. Just as a green tree is the tallest living thing, so should our own pursuit of knowledge be, aiming high and keeping the goal of our achievement (top of the trees) in high esteem.

Green as a Signature Color:

Kermit the Frog

Companies or brands identified primarily with green:

H&R Block

BP

Heineken

Starbucks

The Masters Golf Tournament

Rolling Rock

Garnier Fructis

John Deere

What it says about you when you buy a green vehicle…

There is no question that the vehicle you drive is an extension of your personality — an unspoken, but clear message to the rest of the world.

The message you send by driving a vehicle that is Dark Green: Traditional, trustworthy, well-balanced.

If, however, your vehicle is a Bright Yellow-Green, you give a different impression: Trendy, whimsical, lively.

The color green is said to affect us physically as well in these ways:

Soothes

Relaxes mentally, as well as physically

Helps alleviate depression, nervousness, and anxiety

Offers a sense of renewal, self-control, and harmony

Green is the color of the Heart Chakra, also known as Anahata.

This chakra is located at the center of the chest area and is linked to the heart, lungs, circulatory system, cardiac plexus, and the complete chest area.

The Heart Chakra bridges the gap between the physical and spiritual worlds. Opening the Heart Chakra allows a person to love more, empathize, and feel compassion.

Gemstones that will aid the Heart Chakra include jade and malachite.

And finally, just so we don’t leave anyone out…

Green around the globe:

Green is used worldwide to represent safety.

In several religions, green is the color associated with resurrection and regeneration.

In Ghardaia and other parts of M’zab, houses painted in green indicate that the inhabitants have made a pilgrimage to Mecca.

Green, blue-green, and blue are sacred colors in Iran, where they symbolize paradise.

As the emblematic color of Ireland, green represents the vast green hillsides, as well as Ireland’s patron saint, St. Patrick.

In Japan, green is regarded as the color of eternal life.

In Aztec culture, green was considered to be royal because it was the color of the quetzal plumes used by the Aztec chieftains.

The solid green flag of Libya is currently the only national flag of a single color.

In China, jade stones represent virtue and beauty.

In Portugal, green is the color of hope because of its associations with spring.

In the highlands of Scotland, people used to wear green as a mark of honor.

There is a superstition that sewing with green thread on the eve of a fashion show brings bad luck to the design house.

Personally given the whole aphrodisiac thingy, I’m thinking we should all dye ourselves green for the day. Hey, if it works for Kermit, who are we to argue with success?? *wink*

Wishing you a rainbow

For sunlight after showers—

Miles and miles of Irish smiles

For golden happy hours—

Shamrocks at your doorway

For luck and laughter too,

And a host of friends that never ends

Each day your whole life through!

Take a Chance On Life..Make it Count

Take chances…
Tell the truth…
Date someone totally wrong for you…Twice…
Say no…
Spend all your cash…
Fall in love…
Get to know someone random…
BE RANDOM…
Say “I love you”…
Trust even when it scares you…
Sing out loud…
Let someone know how much they mean to you…
Laugh at a stupid joke…
Cry…
Get revenge now and then…
Apologize…
Tell a jerk what you think of them…
Let someone know what they are missing…
Share your inner thoughts…
Occasionally give in to your secret urges…
Take a chance on someone…
Try new looks…
Take the road less traveled…
Don’t take yourself so seriously all the time…
Tell someone you miss them…
Be mysterious…
NEVER settle for less than you deserve or want…
And always,

LIVE LIFE!!

The ability or will to live outside our natural comfort zone is something that most people will never think of doing, much less attempt. I’m not talking about abandoning all sense of responsibility or duty in day to day life. Unfortunately, that does seem to be a growing trait more and more people seem to be taking on in our society today. Not accepting responsibility for their actions or not being prepared for consequences is something that a lot of my generation seems to be embracing themselves and then passing on to our children. It’s much easier to shift blame or just ignore the facts of what our actions or words can cause.

Is everyone this way? No, thank goodness…there are still a majority of people that realize you have to be accountable and take a stand for what you truly believe in and let your life reflect those beliefs…and if things don’t work out the way you thought they would or should, take the consequences with grace and style…and move on.

HOWEVER, I have come to realize over time that there also has to be a balance, or rather there SHOULD be a balance in your life, that enables you to fulfill the duties and tasks you need to accomplish while at the same time always you not neglect the needs of your soul or the things that can make you happy. The things that might take you outside that comfort zone a lot of us seem to fall into and never leave.

Is finding that balance an easy thing to do? NO…it’s something that can and probably will cause that butterflies in your stomach feeling, sweaty palms and it’s pretty much guaranteed you will miss sleep while trying to find yourself. Is it something necessary to live life to it’s fullest so that you can one day look back at your life and truly have no regrets? No regrets for always having done what was always expected of you rather than what would have made you happy (even now and then)?

ABSOLUTELY!!!

I see examples of so many bitter unhappy people merely walking through their lives these days.
There are those that are dissatisfied with their lives or standing in society. The ones that are unhappy with their own choices and instead want to blame others rather than themselves when life doesn’t work out the way they planned. They end up feeling alone or stupid because of decisions they have freely made. It almost seems they take comfort in their misery and are almost anxious to wallow in their discomfort rather than take steps to improve the things making them miserable.

Next there are those that believe by taking care of everyone around them at the expense of themselves or their own happiness, that they somehow are doing the right thing. Instead, they end up cheating everyone around them, including themselves. They are robbing those they love of ever knowing the true person living within. The people that will freely take from them without interest or care for the sacrifices being made are being done no favors. The person that lives their life through the happiness of others is in essence wasting a huge part of themselves and their potential, often without anyone even noticing or caring.

Then there some, and in my opinion, the worst…those that are intent on thinking themselves above it all and better than their fellow man, even though a lot of their own actions are purely hypocritical and the same or worse than those they try to belittle. In the end, they only end up making themselves look foolish in the process and rarely see it. I have found that I have no patience or sympathy for anyone that makes the choice to be vindictive, mean spirited or judgemental toward others instead of putting responsibility on themselves or living their own lives. I do however, pity those stuck in that rut of unhappiness or deceit, and for the people that have to live with or interact with them over and over again. The masks they think they wear so carefully are often instead transparent to everyone around them.

I know I can’t change all of the wrongs in the world by myself or always worry about what I cannot change in others. I don’t plan to look back on my life one day and lament the fact that I missed out on things I should have taken a chance on. The things that at the time might have seemed crazy or scary or stupid…something not in my “comfort zone”.

Over the last few years I have embraced this philosophy. In doing so, at times the decisions I’ve made have turned out to be terrific ones where I’ve grown, learned and purely enjoyed. At times, as will happen, some choices were ones in the end I’d have rather not made, but I still learned from those choices as well. It turns out even tough lessons are valuable ones if you let them be.

I plan to keep living life and taking chances outside what is merely expected of me. In the process I will try to never purposely do harm to others or shirk responsibilities that are all important in life. By the same token however, I also never plan to quit growing or experiencing the flavors and colors of life, or for that matter shrink away from confrontations if they are warranted. I will not sacrifice my full potential or happiness out of fear or by trying to take care of everyone else but myself in a misguided attempt to be selfless or a martyr.

I will try to always take chances when I can, even when I’m uncertain of the outcome. This is what keeps us vital and young and moving ahead. It keeps us from becoming stagnant, unhappy or bitter because of missed opportunities or from blaming others for what we decide to do or not do with our lives. It keeps us from having disappointment in how our lives turn out.

So I’m living my life as I started this post, continuing to move forward with my eyes wide open, head held high and my mind open to what is to come, even in these uncertain times.

Living your life well IS truly the best “revenge” against disappointment or being stuck in a rut with no chance of escape. It’s not comfortable at times to believe in yourself, but life will certainly never be dull!

~Live well, laugh often, love passionately~

Bad Moon Rising

On the way home tonight, the feeling in the air was unmistakable.

The breeze was warm and the sky was filled with a bright full moon speckled with spotty clouds drifting over it..almost obscuring it from view for a few minutes before it would once again illuminate the night sky.

I’m a totally rational female (telling the CT Yankee to shush, we can’t all be as stoic as you are..and the term “rational female” is NOT an oxymoron!) most of the time, almost too much so on some occasions..to the point of being too serious. Yet, as the years are passing by, I find that I have opened my mind to more possibilities than those that are easily proven by science or logic. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are so many things in heaven and earth we will never fully understand the purpose of, but instead we will just have to feel or take on faith as valid life lessons when events happen…with no rhyme or reason or proof provided.

I was brought up with a deep seated faith that to this day is a basic part of who I am. I have an abiding confidence and take comfort in the knowledge each and every day that a greater power created us all and watches over us..guides us. Those feelings, that absolute certainty, serves me well as I navigate through any uncertain times in my life or when the world becomes a scary place.

That said, my mind has also expanded to include the possibilities of things…influences in our environment, that affect our lives. Things that can’t be proven or touched, but are there nonetheless. Do I live my life based on what my horoscope tells me? Of course not. Do I have a healthy curiosity and allow for the possibility that there are many things we do not know or understand the mechanics behind it all in this world that will influence our lives and the events in our lives? Do I choose to investigate all the different nuances that might affect our time on this earth? Yes I do.

A man that I respect and adore…and who tends to be more stoically rational than anyone in Connecticut is (which is saying a lot since they don’t tend to be quite as ummmm..animated..as we are down South)…believes in ghosts. I figure if he can believe in ghosts, then I can allow for the premise that the moon and stars affect our moods and at times the events that occur due to those changes.

So, with that in mind..tonight’s full moon stuck with me. The song “Bad Moon Rising” by Creedence Clearwater Revivial immediately came to mind in conjunction with the current mood in the nation and the events of the past few months. As a teacher and flight attendant, I will swear..even though there is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove it that I’m aware of..that behavior changes during the time around a full moon. At school you can feel the extra energy of the kids and the almost manic need to be moving all the time…a lack of concentration occurs. In the air, the planes and airports are filled with impatient people. Passengers are more on edge and more likely to be aggressive in both anger and in the way they will pursue the opposite sex.

I’ve been observing the behavior of myself and others around full moons all my life. I’m pretty sure I was born on a full moon. I am convinced that people go a little crazy around those times. The week or so leading up to the full moon feels literally like a rising tide of emotion…people get a bit jumpy, things seem more dramatic. I drink more caffeine, sleep less, talk faster and dream more. I’ve even been known to go shopping, to a movie or sit at the edge of the water at midnight on the evening of a full moon.

Since the full moon shining down on me this particular evening seemed to somehow make me a little more anxious and a little more reflective..I decided to do a little research (yes, I was geeky before geeky was cool) and see what I could come up with. What I discovered was very interesting given the world events of the past year. The moon is in my sign (Virgo) tonight and here’s what I uncovered…

The Full Moon in Virgo on March 10, 2009 clashes with Saturn in Virgo and Uranus in Pisces, prompting a battle between security and change. Throughout the week, this unsettling influence will reignite the stressful Saturn-Uranus opposition that took place in February 2009 and November 2008 (and will occur again in September).

If you’ll remember, last February and November is when the U.S. financial markets tanked to new lows. And of course, February marked the launch of the gargantuan United States stimulus bill. Change was in the air (and still is), along with a widespread escalation of fear about the economy. Fortunately, Uranus, the planet of upheaval, and Saturn, the planet of materialism, have moved apart somewhat, but this month’s Full Moon will draw them together energetically to challenge our comfort zones again.

Full Moons are notorious for heightening emotionalism, and this one may be particularly rocky, especially for Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces. So try not to overreact to whatever situations you find yourself in, and take some quiet time to get centered if you feel overwhelmed. Think before you speak or react to situations.

Most importantly, this is a wake-up call. Change (Uranus) opposing the status quo (Saturn) is a necessary step in freeing ourselves of restrictions and outmoded ways of doing things. You may want to ask yourself how this cosmic “battle” mirrors your own fears about change, and then work through whatever feelings come up for you.

It’s all about freedom - and intent. Uranus in Pisces illuminates the spiritual principals of attracting what you focus on. It’s not about denying what you’re feeling, but if you can also visualize (vividly!) a better tomorrow for yourself, your community, your country and the world, it will come to pass, step by step…if you work to make it happen.

I found all of this to be very interesting, especially given the circumstances we all find surrounding us in society today. Do I plan to change the way I live my life because of the information I discovered? Of course not. When the course of my life changes, it happens because I make informed decisions and at times simply have to operate and react on faith and intuition…so far that way of living and reacting has served me well over the years. It’s also true though, that it’s part of my general personality to always want to have all the information I can gather to make the best decisions I can. I’m a “thinker” by nature. I enjoy the exercise of stretching my brain and have been known to frequently tell my students that I want to learn something new each and every day of my life. Knowledge is indeed power.

In a time where there is so much world uncertainty about the economy, our jobs, the direction of our country and our very future..I believe it’s a good thing to allow for the things we can’t see or touch or explain away with logic. The planetary pull does affect our world, that is a scientfic fact. The tides rise and fall due to gravity. The sighting of a probable comet as a star guiding the Three Wise Men was written to herald the birth of Jesus in the Bible. Asteriods have been assumed to have caused havoc with our world’s development and climate when they crashed to earth over our history. The night sky has long been a source of mystery and literally a provider of guidance to destinations as travelers and explorers from Magellan forward looked to the heavens to find their course.

Given all of this..who am I to dismiss what might be?

~”There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your
philosophy. “- Shakespeare (Hamlet)~